Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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