i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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