i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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