Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
