Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
