My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
