Do you still have your period?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize