He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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