I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
