A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm passing your future prison.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
