There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
