I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize