I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
