That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
