I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
