my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
