trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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