Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize