is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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