you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
