Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
