I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
