The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
