I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize