she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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