Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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