The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
