then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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