The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
