god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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