with your own penis?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize