I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
