Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
