Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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