I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
