Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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