She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
