Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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