If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
