Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
