My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Man, jail baloney is awful.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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