you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
