I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
