If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize