the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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