so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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