Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
