I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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