you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
