so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
