Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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