I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
