and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
