Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
