If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
youre lurking in front of me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
