uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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