I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
