I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
