I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
