she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
