I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize