She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
