I just made out with a guy for $7.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
